Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Love and maurity

One of my other students recently told me that her perfect future mate would be a foreign husband because she felt foreign men were more aware of women's needs and treated them better. She said that she felt Japanese men were selfish and put themselves first all of the time. While I've never been in a relationship with a Japanese man, I can say that my experiences teaching them do reveal a great deal of self-centeredness.My so-called Japanese life

Probably this is over-generalization. My mother was just a house-wife, but my father used to help doing dishes, and laundry and above all he worked hard for family: he was born during WWⅡ.
I remember a Japanese woman who married to an American man; she complained that her husband often asked if she loved him in the evening though she told so in the morning.
I don't know how American spouse develop love. The Japanese young woman above might have a romantic fantasy about western men because she does not know what the relation is like--I might be wrong---I might be saying out of jealousy.
In any case, I guess love evolves between a man and a woman in any culture if the relation is to continue.

He sat behind me, where I could not see him, but everywhere--in the half darkness of the room , in every sound , in myself--I felt his presence

I began to feel lonely, that life was repeating itself, that there was nothing new wither in him or in myself. He began to give more time business which kept him away from me and I began to feel that there was a special department of his mind into which he was unwilling to admit me.

That day ended the romance of our marriage;the old feeling became a precious, irrecoverable remembrance; but a new feeling of love for my children and the father of my children laid the foundation of a new life and quite different happiness;and that that life and happiness have lasted to the present time.
(Family Happiness Tolstoy)

...We come to inhabit a different perspective upon life:we no longer think that it is possible----if only we were sweeter, if only our partner were more understanding or more passionate---to sustain the delights of the opening stage of the relationship. Once we have accepted this....we can come back to the business of getting on with life, of appreciating whatever good things we have actually managed (despite ourselves) to amass. Marsha has a pleasant home, two healthy children, a good natured intelligent husband. ..These things are not exciting but when seen with an appreciative eye, the are adequate for happy life....page 152

...if a relationship is to last, if love is to survive and develop over an extended period , we need to bring to the relationship a set of of qualities quite different from those which took us into it in the first place. ....Love craves closeness, and closeness always brings us face to face with something other than we expected...page 153 Thus it would be mature to accept a certain plainness in one's partner if they possess more important qualities such as a sweet temper of reliability....

("conditions of love" John Armstrong)

No comments: